I have a list of three things I was to never tell my boyfrienddudeguy and to let him find out on his own over time.
Those things were:
- That Creepy infatuation with red hair I have for no discernable reason.
- That thing where if you run your fingers through my hair repeatedly I will fall asleep and just andoavnodirj.
- That thing where one of my headpeople that I made up in 10th grade is just a really bad mock of his cousin.
Now you must know, that conversations with Chandler and I are like two plastic bags caught in an updraft having a battle as they speed across town at an astonishing five miles per hour.
So with this fact known, it isn’t surprising that a conversation about the shows Say yes to the Dress and Ghost adventures lead to me having to tell Chandler these things as he laughed and plotted to use all of this information against me because I just know that’s what he did after he read my responding text messages.
I know this because that’s what I would have done.
I mean, it’s nothing too embarrassing for me to have him know these things, I just thought it would be funnier if he figured them out on his own.
Like after watching me work, or going through some of my old art and saying, “JONI, WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE ORANGE HAIR?” and then I just look at him and he gasps, “IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.”
Or If he just finds himself being Alexis one day, and playing in my hair and then I like, die where I lay and he thinks he has a superpower or something.
Or one of those days where I’m going over a rough spot in the middle of all the stories forever, where Sin is most important and Chandler is watching me or something and chimes in with “Why is that guy so familiar?” I’ll just laugh and stare and shuffle away into the sun.
SO LONG STORY SHORT I TOLD THAT BOYFRIENDDUDEGUY “MY FAVORITE HAIR COLOR IS RED, IF YOU RUB MY SCALP REPEATEDLY I WILL BE PUT TO SLEEP, AND A LONG TIME AGO I MADE A CHARACTER THAT WAS A PARODY OF MY MORTAL ENEMY THAT JUST HAPPENS TO BE YOUR COUSIN.”